SUNSHINE

krazy_jane @ 2006-03-14T15:55:00

2006-03-15T21:55:48Z

i got left behind...and yeah it hurts but oh well i can't do anything about it....

now i will sit in my mother's rocking chair and look like a mad woman!

=I

10 mins

2006-03-06T02:39:33Z

erase it....

love/hate

2006-02-05T23:51:42Z

i love how weekends make everything better!
i hate how my mom brings me right back down to a new low
i love how he can make me smile when i really dont want to
i hate how i am now responsible for myself
i love how i get to see my cousin more
i hate how there is literally a city between those i love
i love how new friends make you feel
i hate how mad he can get
i love how much he cares about other people
i hate how he doesn't care about himself
i love how my cousin has a new someone
i hate how his plan isn't going the way it should
i love how school gets me away from my family
i hate how my mom wants me always with my family
i love how my daddi buys me childish things
i hate how my mom scolds my dad for giving me things
i love how my jay is so simple minded
i hate how my jay is such an ass

ok i'm done....

krazy_jane @ 2006-02-02T09:17:00

2006-02-02T15:18:11Z

last night:

nothing more can be said...today will be better i know it will!

krazy_jane @ 2006-01-23T21:57:00

2006-01-24T03:57:58Z

smile - i needed that

mondays help

thank you luis

it was a long-sleepy day. i took a nap in my car and khef came to join me.

i had so much work to do...and i really didnt get much of it done. i did try though...damn did i try!

i think this day just sorta draged on...most everyone left by 3ish...i was there til 6! damn 3.30-5.30 class. but i like the fact that i dont have to go home...but eh..

i'm tired and i still have more reading to do...yay college...

bye

*neen*

how my brain feels:

tear

2006-01-22T05:29:37Z

long ass day

i really hate being stuck in a car with my parents for 5 some odd hours. they have so many mood swings it makes a pregnant lady look like...well i dont know what she would look like but damn they would put her to shame. but anyways my parents are one piece of work. they go from yelling at each other to yelling at me to yelling about in-laws, right back to me. I mean they keep saying all this shit that i really dont want to hear. i mean i know my dad isnt perfect i know he is not the type of guy i want for myself. i mean just being with my parents makes me not want to get married and have kids so they dont have to have the life that i have now. i mean my parents are really realizing that jayson is a very hate-ful child and i mean the only real thing they are doing about it is giving him medication.

i dont know how to please them without making my life miserable. i hate how i do things because they want me to and not because i want it. my dad is worried that ppl will say that we are faliures in life and that they cant raise "proper" children. i mean most of my family wanted/wants my parents to divorce. its a lot of un-needed pressure by them to make them look good. i keep getting compared to everyone elses children, but the thing is everyone else isnt me. i can never do anything to please my parents. i cant even care about some body without them saying something negitive about it. they dont know bout khefren yet but are giving me hell for it. they keep telling me that "in the end everyone goes back to their kind." they think that t.v. and movies are real life! i hate that. i hate how all they see is the hate in the world.

it really makes me just want to say shut the hell up and let me live and do what i want and makes me happy. i mean they are my parents and they are supossed to want to see me happy, right? so why are they the ones that make me cry all the time? arent they supposed to be the ones that i run to when i am crying so they can attempt to fix it?

how did i get screwed over in this? how did me and jayson get screwed over? how come we had to go through these things? i really hope that there is a good life waiting for me after all this, otherwise...i dont know what i will do...i dont think i would be held responsible for my actions.

i really wanted to tell my dad some things today but i could because he's my dad and i told him that. he was trying to play dumb and pretend like he didnt know what i meant to say but he knew. i mean erg...i dont know what to expect from my dad anymore. he messed up my childhood so yes i'm going to take advantage of him now. he gets himself in trouble again and that's it. i will really have nothing to do with him again. i dont care if i am under the same roof with him i will go through my mom to get what i need from him and only what i need. i dont really remember the last time i told my dad i loved him. shame? oh well...jayson just have a sort of pure justified hate for him.

the funni thing about my life is i keep hearing the ppl who know (the inside) me and they are all like "i'm sorry" and "you shouldnt be living like that", but i cant do anything about it. i'm too scared to do anything. i realized and admit it => i am scared shitless about the real world. i know i have my parents to lean on now and i know that eventually i will have to do without them, mostly my mom.

i dont want to leave my mom. i hate her at times, yes. i want to choke her, yes. but that doesnt mean i want to leave her like the way she is. i mean my mom has taken so much for me and jayson that i sometimes wish that the doctor kept telling my mom to keep pushing. that way she would have had a way out. i mean....i dont know.

i need to escape but running away from it will just make it worse. i mean i'm not a bad child/person. i do what i am told and more. is it a crime to want to do something because it make me happy. i know that the world isnt the safest now and all but that still doesnt mean that i have to be a prisioner in my own home? i mean i dont do anything. i'm almost always at home. the only time i get to go anywhere is if there is family or jayson is with me or if its for school...that sux ass. i dont ask for much. just to go out every now and then. why is it so hard to say yes once in a while?

i think i am quiet done venting now....

*neen*

random feeling:

hm...

2006-01-14T21:19:17Z

: You've opened it!!!! Good Luck! Tonight at midnight your true love will realize they love you. Something good will happen to you at 1:00-4:00 pm tommorow, it could be anywere. Get ready for the biggest shock in your life.
<*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*>

if you break this chain u will be cursed with relationship problems for the next 10 yrs. post this within 15 mins.

Repost with the month, day, and year you were born

Thoughts....

2006-01-11T07:24:10Z

Sometimes a broken promise can put a smile on a bitter face

For some reason or another I have been in the crying mood. I dont know why but I just do...is that wierd? I mean nothing has gotten me angry or sad enough to cry lately but I just feel the need to cry. I want to...I dont know. I think my mind and body have gone on vacation and I'm not sure when either will be back. I've been blanking out quite a bit too. I did it a couple of times while driving...not so sure that's safe. I keep drifting and thinking about just nothing lately. I mean of course its refreshing but not all the time. I may just need some real alone time. I think I may take a walk or something tomorrow or another day. I need to relax by myself outside of my room for a while. I mean I really dont need to go anywhere - either like in my own backyard or maybe to the park down the street. Either I need to be alone or with someone I can really trust and just relax. Not do anything - just relax and hang out. No talking needed, at least not about anything that matters...The real question is - Do I really need to find a cure?

hm...that's interesting

2006-01-06T04:03:13Z

i found out my death date...

Happy New Years 2006 Baby!

2006-01-01T18:43:17Z

it was an okay start. me, shawn, aleah, jayson, mark, alisha, alicia, megan, julian, v. , & angela did our firework thing. sparklets rock my socks... we played cranium and the girls massacred the guys [again]. we gots that connection like that...

then came the drive home. my mom was in my ass about how i was driving and how fast i was going and anything else that i was doing "wrong". she was treating me like i have never driven b4. it was getting really annoying. i almost stoped the van and got out...she was really pissin me off! her resolution is now to stop talkin to me. it will last for maybe a week if that even. but you know what that's ok...

at least i had a good morning....khef called me and woke me up (sorta) and told me he was comming to see me! yayness! he brought me some trini-cake and i got my new years kiss...a lil late but that's ok. it's still new years day. so it works. much needed!

i hope everyone i cared for that weren't with me had a fun, but more importantly, safe new year night. and i hope that the morning isn't too much of a "head-ache" for you....

HAPPY NEW YEAR YALL!

much needed night

2005-12-29T19:47:49Z

me, khef, jayson, and ryan went go-carting...i beat them all in the last race! and the only reason why they beat me the time before is cuz jayson hit me. man that damn car jumped on the ramp. scared the shit outta me. it was hella-cold. it was nice though. my mom actually let me go out. we got in at like midnight. i had a nice good-night kiss. ryan is a dumb ass...

we got 220 tickets. jayson and ryan played pool while me and khef chilled out down stairs...it was kool. i'm glad he came down on my side of town. i am still like really wierded out that my mom let me go. i love my baby brother. he's really good at thinkin on his feet when he needs to.

he ran into the door when we got home, it was kinda dumb. we laughed our asses off. he went back into the truck and started over. it was hella-hilarious.

i love my baby brother!

ppl amuse me

2005-12-28T19:05:19Z

guys are very funny...

especially the ones you just meet...they are the funniest of all

Link V: though I have a confession to make....
trinirule13: yes...
Link V: I am using a somewhat subtle form of flirting.
Link V: and I apologize if that offends
trinirule13: lol..no it's ok..i kinda figured that out
trinirule13: [its nice that ur honest]
Link V: well, what benefit do I get from not being honest?
Link V: as self-centered as it is, I figure if I lie, it's gonna end up fucking me over in the long run
Link V: so...I might as well be kinda blunt and honest about things.
trinirule13: yeah, sounds good to me
Link V: secondly, you're a nice girl. No need for me ot treat you badly.
trinirule13:
Link V: and third....you're an indian girl. who causes naughty thoughts in my head. and THAT deserves honesty.
trinirule13: lol

In other news: I had fun the other night [monday night] with Rawls, Butler and Kyle. We went to the Marquee to see Wolfcreek. Worst movie ever! Seriously, don't go see it unless you wanna spend $7.50 to make out with your significant other. I was bout to fall asleep in the damn movie. It moved too damn slow....erg. Oh well it wasn't my money that was wasted. Rawls took me out so he paid for it. I love Rawls' mommi's car, Chrystler 300! Pretty maroon too! It was funny though, he has a GPS system in it and he got lost. I knew where I was going but he insited that he knew where he was...um no. It was funny. We went to Denny's afterwards. It was fun. We kept making fun of the people round us and the people that were working there. It was great. I got home round midnight...we were going to go see Brenda but I didn't want my mom going crazy bout me and Jay being out too late, I told Rawls to just drop us at home and he could go to her house from mine. It was a fun night though. It was really funny though. Butler opened the door for his chick Kyle right, so Rawls was like, "you expect me to do that for you now?" And I was like, "NO, you haven't done it the whole night so no.." It was funny though. Jay was just there. He kinda just went cuz my mom made him, I don't think that she trusts Rawls. Its funny though, she doesn't even know that he's my ex.

When I got home I called Khef. We were on the phone till 5 in the morning. It was nice.

Happy Merry Happy Christmas

2005-12-25T20:17:56Z

My Christmas wish for my friends is a simple one...

That each and everyone one of you get what you wish for on this giving day.

That you make a great memory with the time that you spend with those you care for/love.

That you end this 2005 year on a good note.

And of course...

For everyone to finally be happy in their life, to be content in the choices that they have made, and to find the peace, joy, and love that we all search so very hard for.

I love you all as if you were my family [my second family]

I wish you the best and I can't wait to create new memories with each and everyone of you in 2006!

Love Much and Always,

Janine Razia Khan

krazy_jane @ 2005-12-24T22:17:00

2005-12-25T04:19:10Z

Happy Merry Christmas Eve!

I hope everyone gets what they wish for!

final some much needed fun

2005-12-18T22:27:09Z

i went to my aunts house last night for a family dinner. i was real kool. we ate and played cramium! i love that game! it was girls vs. guys and of course the girls won! i had way too much fun!

i get to spend a good week at leah & shawn's! it gonna be fun!! tomorrow night i'm going to see the nutcraker with aleah! yay! i've had so much shawn time but very very little leah time!!! i'm happy i get to see them...i dont think i'll be home til friday! yay!!!

thats all for now....i know the last couple of posts have been very blank and confusing but yea...i dont think i need to clear it up so i wont until i feel i need to...otherwise ask jon or ani...

bye

krazy_jane @ 2005-12-16T19:30:00

2005-12-17T01:30:50Z

um...well i didnt expect anything less...but yea...
i'm still not thinking....
um...yea...

krazy_jane @ 2005-12-14T21:50:00

2005-12-15T03:51:32Z

i love how interesting my life is...
[sarcasim is great]

krazy_jane @ 2005-12-03T16:06:00

2005-12-03T22:07:39Z

right now i'm at the cy-fair library.

i was doing some work on my math quizes, they are open, but guess what i found out that they have been open since nov. 22 and they will be closing tomorrow! how much does that suck! at least its only like 5 quizesand they close at midnight tomorrow. so i'm going to buckle down and do some real work. i've been here since 2 doing work and i've already done bout 3 quies and done better on them. for my next trick to be pulled out of my ass will be to redue 17 quizes for psych, but the 7th that is. i will be doing them as well as studying for the damn test on the 8th. and i have my make-up exam for history on the 7th at 10am. and then the final in on the 11th/12th. yea fun times.

other randome shit that happend to me:
i spent the night at alisha's last night, i know i shouldn't have but i did. oh well, i havent spent time with my cousin in a long time. we had fun though. first of all i didnt get home from school until round 7:30pm because i stayed extra late and did some work and i was too tired to drive and yea...well we ended up going to the mall to look for present. i gots me an application to victoria secret! we were prtty much there to let lisha turn in her application to a'gaci and it was funni cuz we saw these black guys that kept turning round and getting closer to us as they walked by...it was funni cuz one of them stopped and waited for his friends right by us, but was staring at me and lisha i was on the phone and i was being all loud and like, "why does he need to stand right there? wats he looking at. he doesnt have to wait there. he's bugging me" and other stupid shit like that. it was funny. he finally got the hint and went away. i hope i get the job! we found nothing fitting of her mom so we left and took krishna home and we went to krogers to get our selves some snacks. when we walked in this guy was all loud like and saying "those chicks are hot" we just laughed...he was like 30 something. then we thought that this guy was following us all over krogers. it was funny. we went to blockbuster and rented "bewitched" and "forgotten". it was good. we got up this morning and went to shipley's and then she took me home. now i'm here not doing my work.

my week was very hm...lets just say interesting and long. i dont think i really want to say anymore than that, no reason really...just dont....

today would have been 3yrs...

i think that's enough...later workin dayz

my week in something short of a nutshell

2005-11-28T01:45:58Z

this week has been pretty good
turkey day was great, even without the turkey
i kinda talked to khef and jon for a lil while, that and have a great converstation with my 4 yr old cuz zak. he's too cute! we left the cam at home so we didnt take any pics. *tear*
oh well, these last few days with my uncles have been great. i kinda want to get back to skool though, i need routine again. i liked/like it.
its been yea...interesting.
i went out with the chris's on friday night. [rawls, cecil & francis] it was so much fun, so much ole times. we went to see harry potter 4 and then me, jay and rawls went to olive garden. he gave me the chain he promised me! i was shocked he actually gave it to me but he did! wow! he came by today [his flight left at 6] he came to say bye and give me a hug like he promised! he sat in my house, dead scared of my parents. it was really funny. i gave him barfi and he actually liked it...lol too funny.
jayson went out with mark, so it was a nice quiet night for me, mom, and dad. eh...oh well

i know that lately my updates havent been very informative...but the thing is i really dont care right now, so yea

>oh yea i got a new phone yesterday -> no camera though....*tear*

whatever - that's the end...

i need a drink...

krazy_jane @ 2005-11-23T20:03:00

2005-11-24T02:04:14Z

i just realized because of me not eating meat, i will have not turkey day tukey...*tear*
first no shawn and lilly - they are going to oklahoma - and now this!

oh well, when i told my mommy i was going to stop eating meat she said i was going to die. i thought that was very funny! ^_^

my uncles are still here! i love em'! way too much fun.
i took them to starbucks the other day and will probably do the same tonight...^_^

it was great getting to see my guys [vihn, mikey, jorge, alex & brian] yesterday and the day b4! i havent seen them in a while...they were at my house til like midnight the other night! *smilez* then i got to see them for a while and they surprised me with vihn! it was great! oh and they are so scared of my mommy! i fing that very funny!

oh well i gots stuff to do now...

HAPPY TURKEY DAY
dont stuff urselves too much!!

krazy_jane @ 2005-11-22T21:05:00

2005-11-23T03:06:02Z

vihn came to see me!!!

krazy_jane @ 2005-11-20T22:43:00

2005-11-21T04:43:31Z

i did it

i cut my hair!
i cut it short!!!
i will put pix up soon, maybe tomorrow...

krazy_jane @ 2005-11-11T20:03:00

2005-11-12T02:08:14Z

great end to an otherwise horrible week ^_^
thank you:
eddie
teniqua
matt
shawn
khefren
randa
karla
twin
luis
julie
the squirrels
ryan (the white one)
ryan (the black one)
mrs. tracy
mrs. savannah
miss. vann
justin (pool guy)
tom
harold
robin
ashley
jon
alisha
and others i cant think of right now

stuck

2005-11-09T03:58:19Z

i find it very funny how u can feel ontop of the world one minute, then like utter shit the other.

oh well...

wow...

2005-11-08T03:49:00Z

breast

Breast is a funny word..

Dwamy:Janine are ur boobs bigger or is that ur shirt?
: Karima (my mom) your daughter's breasts are bigger than yours!

Mom: My boobs weren't even that big when I got married, I got these when I was pregnant.

Me: Man do I have back problems
Jayson: It's because of those! ::points to my boobz::

[boob talk is great]

Today was interesting....i met khef's mom, his "aunt", and his "cousin". It was very interesting to say the least.

I have come to the conclusion that I like the word -> SUBMISSIVE.

...that is all...